Hawaiian Pizza—Yay or Nay?

There is an appealing (yet phony) superiority that goes with thinking of oneself as a "purist". Which is why I always feel a little bit shamed when ordering a Hawaiian pizza—an ordinary pizza with red sauce and mozarella cheese, but also with chunks of pineapple, slabs of ham, and (sometimes) minced up bits of crispy bacon. Isn't that just another example of poorly-thought eclecticism, if not just routinely catering to the LCD crowd? Peruse the slices on display in any college town pizzeria and consider the stomach-churning parade of toppings like baked ziti, falafel chunks, fried chicken, and hard boiled eggs. I don't approve of any of that unless it's 2 AM and you are a drunken fratboy. (In which case, my disapproval delves far deeper than your contemplation of the "He-Man" or "Taco-Bacon Supreme" slice.)

But back to the Hawaiian conundrum. Some quick research reveals that the pineapple and ham phenomenon has nothing to do with actual Hawaiians, but is in fact a creation of the crafty Germans (Strike One!) According to Wikipedia, it is also the most popular pizza in Australia, accounting for a shocking 15% of all pizza sales. (Strike Two!) I was in Hawaii last year, where I sampled the local pizza sold in a nearly empty cocktail lounge. While it was being prepared, I ordered a drink and was chatted up by a damaged-looking woman who in hindsight I believe may have been a prostitute. In spite of the geographic convenience to the Dole plantation, no pineapples were offered as toppings that evening, and even if they had, it would not have changed the fact that said pizza was quite possibly the worst I have ever encountered.

So let's get down to it. In the classic style of content providers who suddenly panic over their lack of an interactive social media plan, I offer the following five second survey. Do pineapples and ham have any business being on top of a pizza? Use the survey box below to choose your answer.

Photo by justin.parmelee [CC BY-NC-SA 2.0]

Comments

[Tim Kastelle]

The state of pizza here in Australia is deplorable. When I explain to them that all you need for good pizza is great sauce, excellent crust and high quality cheese, and that anything over and above that is ok but not necessary, they look at me like I'm from Mars. The fact that Hawaiian is the most popular pizza here tells you all you need to know about whether or not you should ever try to eat it...