Alas, Ye Shall Quack No More

There is a very specific thrill that travels up the leg when one holds a piece of flaming meat mightily above one's head. Victory celebrations arrive in scarcely a more triumphant manner, I tells ya.

But even in such moments—or perhaps especially in such moments, one must be careful that molten fat drippings do not accidentally drizzle onto one's forearm, unless of course one seeks to earn the attention of the children attending a birthday party in the next adjacent yard, by unloading a blitz of unintelligible profanity within their earshot.

This weekend, I made my first attempt at grilled Mediterranean duck breasts. And emotional scarring inflicted upon the innocents notwithstanding, I can now say that whomever first suggested cooking fatty meats on an open flame was obviously a hopeless crackhead. These girls caught on fire pretty much the instant I laid them on the grill, and the ten plus minutes I allowed them to cook might be best described as a controlled burn that my trusty squirt bottle only barely allowed me to contain. It would not surprise me to learn that flights bound for JFK airport were diverted to Newark or Laguardia due to the billowing cloud of smoke that erupted in the yard. But that's not to say it wasn't worth all the trouble...

The ingredients:

A pair of one pound duck breasts (skin side scored in five evenly-spaced increments), marinated for 24 hours in the following:

• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 3 bulbs minced garlic
• 1 tbsp. chopped, fresh rosemary
• 1 teaspoon crumbled thyme
• generous splash of balsamic vinegar
• juice from 1/2 lemon
• salt/pepper

Grill the skin side first, about 5 minutes on medium-high heat. Be prepared with your metal tongs and a squirt bottle filled with water—you'll need to keep the meat moving and away from the fires that will flare up no matter where you position them on your grill. And be careful when you start squirting, as the flames will roar up menacingly when the fat-fuel is struck by water. (This is not a meal to prepare while sporting dangling jewelery, much less pirate shirts or renaissance faire-wear with frilly sleeves.)

When the skin sides are nice and crusty, flip them over, reduce the heat to medium-low and grill an additional 10 minutes, or until center cuts reveal a pinkish red interior. You'll still have multiple fires to contend with, so if you've got other components lined up for this feast, you'll be best off leaving them to a cooking companion. More than anything else I've ever laid atop the flaming Kenmore, these Mediterranean duck breasts demanded constant attention, but as you can see from the picture, the payoff was enormous. The fatty exterior crisps up into a bacon-like texture and provides the perfect compliment to the gorgeously juicy red meat just beneath it. Although it may look burned, it tasted heavenly, and prompted epic levels of orgasmic moaning and eye-rolling, all of which fared surprisingly better with the birthday crowd next door.

Comments

[Zora]

Oooh, looks good! And I like your referring to them as "girls." Hee.

[Irwin Chusid]

I just enjoyed a satisfying dinner. Now, thanks to you, I'm hungry again.